Mom's Words of Wisdom #3: A Penny Saved

"A penny saved is a penny earned." ~ Ben Franklin
"A fool and his money are soon parted." ~ Proverb
"Beware of little expenses.  A small leak will sink a great ship." ~ Ben Franklin
"A man in debt is so far a slave." ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

I was raised by a military officer who became an accountant in his retirement.  One would think this would make me a natural money manager.  I was also, however, the youngest child and only daughter in my family (only one adopted as well).  Translation? If I truly wanted something, I got it.  I married someone who was the youngest child and only son.  Translation? If he truly wanted something, he got it.  This is a potentially dangerous combination.

In the first part of our married life (10+ years), we didn't do the best job of policing one another.  We both worked hard and felt entitled to the material things we wanted.  We earned it!  Right?  Neither of us was very good about managing a comprehensive money plan.  Sure, we allowed a percentage of each check to go to retirement.  We made sure we could pay our mortgage, car, insurance and other major expenses. We took vacations as a family at least once a year.  Christmas and birthdays were magical times in our home where wishes for material things were filled.  We bought the best homes and cars that lenders would allow.  Even when George was laid off, we barely skipped a beat.

How did we do this?  Credit, credit and credit.

We woke up one day and realized just how much debt we had accumulated.  We were working to pay off...things...that had long since broken or been replaced.  Our life had become a whirlwind of which bill was due next and how little could we pay to make it through until the next paycheck.  We were in fact a slave to our debt.  Ours was a house of cards...credit cards.  One unexpected expense and it would all come crumbling down.  It was time for a change.

We've spent the the last 5+ years cleaning up the financial mayhem we caused in the beginning and are finally at a point where we feel like we are in the driver's seat.  In fact, we are working to get in to a position where we can retire comfortably and spoil our future grandkids (just as we ourselves were once spoiled).

Why do I tell this story? This is the one and only area of my life where I wish I could hit rewind.  I would have lived off of 70% of my take home pay and split the rest equally into spend, save, and donate accounts.  Spend would have allowed for the affordable indulgences including vacations. Save would be there for the emergency situations you can never anticipate.  Donate would be there to help support the advancement of research, the protection of those in need and the building of the church.

I wouldn't trust a lender's projection over my own on how big of a house or car I could "afford."  I wouldn't use credit to pay for consumable goods (grocery, restaurants, gas) unless I was earning some form of a cash value award and had a SOLID plan to pay 100% of the balance with each statement. I'd never let a balance on a credit card roll.  I'd plan more "stay-cations" exploring the area around me or at least within a half-day's driving distance.

My fondest hope is that my children learn from our mistakes versus swapping war stories with us in our old age.  But since we did everything we could to buffer them from that while providing for their every material need (as our parents did with us), I'm not sure we've done the best job of breaking the cycle :(

Only time will tell....

Mom's Words of Wisdom #2: The sun will come out tomorrow

Annie was right folks.  The sun will in fact come out "tomorrow."  Life is full of good and bad, difficult and easy, sorrow and solace, pain and pleasure, sadness and joy.  Good and evil exist together so that we can appreciate the difference between the two.  Yes, it can be unbearably difficult to go through some of the painful times but would you really give up the moments of unlimited joy to be rid of the pain?

There's a trap we sometimes fall in to...it's a hidden trap that sucks us in slowly and hold us fast in it's grip.  Like quicksand, it often feels like the more you struggle, the worse you situation becomes. That trap is to become a victim.  When bad things happen, it's easy to ask "why is the world against me?" It's not.  You're in a bad patch.

• Some of the things you're going through may in fact be things that are happening to you...an illness, the loss of a loved one, layoffs at your work, etc.  Try hard NOT to focus or obsess on the bad, instead build a day by day plan to recover and move forward.
• Some of the things are happening as a result of something you did or did not do.  Own these and work to turn them around.  Take control one step at a time.  If you missed a deadline, figure out a plan B and then think through how to avoid that in the future.  If you hurt someone's feelings, apologize and make repairs.  If you weren't responsible when you should have been, admit it and take responsibility now.

At the end of the day, life is...well, life.  It's filled with pain, joy, laughter, tears, arguments, hugs, horrors and beauty.  Savor the good moments and work through the bad.  Yes, it's going to rain. Somedays, it'll be a torrential downpour with lightning, thunder and high winds.  But ultimately, the sun will come out tomorrow.  Bet your bottom dollar ;)

Mom's Words of Wisdom #1: Take Chances

Mom's Words of Wisdom: Be bold enough to take the chance.

It may be a cliche, but most cliches are grounded in reality.  You will in fact miss 100% of the shots you don't take...so take the shot.  Yes, you may miss it.  But you may make it, and even if you don't win the game, you walk away knowing you gave it your best.

Some of the best chances I ever took:

• When my best friend "ruined" our beautiful friendship by telling me he "had feelings" for me, I decided to take a chance and try dating him (even though I was convinced things wouldn't work because it would be too weird).
• From the time I was 9 years old I knew I wanted to be a lawyer and then a judge.  After earning my BA in Government, passing the LSAT and getting admission letters to law school, I had an epiphany that this wasn't what I wanted.  I was bold enough to step off of a path I'd been on for more than 10 years.  I've never regretted that choice.
• In 1990, I took a chance, packed up a U-Haul and moved to Ohio with my boyfriend (my best friend from above)...no job, no plan, just a belief that if we were together it would work. 
• In 1991, even though I was only 23, I married my best friend. 
• In 1992, we decided to start our family and by December, I was holding the most beautiful, healthy, amazing baby boy.
• In 1994, I was told that the child I was carrying most likely had chronic (if not fatal) health problems.  Along with my husband, we decided to face those challenges head on...and were rewarded with a perfectly (eventually) healthy beautiful baby girl.
• In 2000, having no idea what I would find, I decided to take a chance and find my biological family.  The goal was to understand my health history and let my biological parents know they'd made the right choice.  The reward was finding two full sisters (and their families) and developing new and amazing relationships.
• In my career, I've always been willing to take chances, try new things and learn new skills.  The result has been a rewarding career that supports my family well.

In the end, it comes down to this...choose to be bold.  Don't look back and regret the chances you didn't take.  Sometimes, it won't work out.  Sometimes, it will pay back more than you ever anticipated.  Either way, you'll be able to say you took the chance.

Welcome to our Muller life!

In most ways, we are your average American family.  George and I met in college, started dating after graduation, married shortly thereafter and had two beautiful children.  Twenty years later, we live on a quiet cul-de-sac in Springboro, Ohio with our son, Devin (19), and our daughter, Erin (17).  Along with our two dogs (Joe and Macy) we are quietly living the American dream in what's commonly known as a fly-over state.  


Every family, every story, has it's twist.  This is ours: our average height is 77" (or 6'5").  At 5'10", I am the midget of this motley crew.  At 7'2", George is the tallest member of the extended Muller family.  I am Jennifer, and this is our Muller life...